Patience is a Virtue
by Amiko-san
Summary: No one knows how frustrating this gets, not even Jake. At least he'll have to wait seven years for Nessie. My Claire-bear deserves the best and I can be patient, I have to be. But jeez, fourteen years is a long time. Imprinting can be so...unpredictable.
1. The End and the Beginning

Disclaimer: We all know Stephenie Meyer is the queen of all things Twilight. Sadly, I own nothing.

A/N: Here is my perspective on Quil's experience with imprinting.

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The End and the Beginning

My name is Quil Ateara Jr. and you are in for a very interesting story.

Here are some very little known but very _true _facts about me: I love my mom. Yeah, my dad was okay and all but he was the sort of guy that you didn't just go play catch with or ask to help you with your homework. No, my mom did those things. Growing up it was sometimes hard to watch how very different they were. It made me wonder what in the word she saw in him to begin with. I decided way back then that I wouldn't be anything like my dad.

Whatever. At least he never hurt me or anything like that. He just didn't care, or approve, or really even notice much. He was too wrapped up with being with the guys down at the river, drinking in the village, maybe flirting with the pretty waitress at the only diner on the reservation…like I said, whatever. No worrying about it now, I was too young then to really put it all together anyway.

Ok, here's another: I totally think being a werewolf, shape-shifter..._whatever_ we are_,_ is freaking awesome. It was the first time in my life that people took any interest in me. I don't know if it was just the glory of it, because I was one of the rockstars of the reservation now, or that I'd just done something that had been impossible for two generations.

Third fact: I was a smug and overconfident jerk sometimes, still am. Like when me and Embry used to beat up anyone that made a not so nice comment about our totally awesome and unique names. It was just a show, I had to be the tough guy. Maybe I got that from my dad, oh well. I was the macho, don't-take-no-lip-from-nobody teenager. I even acted like mom was an irritation…but she really wasn't. I loved that she cared enough about me to put in my place when I needed it.

Okay, enough with the mental fact list. To be honest I was relieved beyond words when I went through the transformation and became a wolf. My grandfather, "Old Quil", had been watching me closely for several weeks prior to it. I was glad to have my friends back, to know the truth, and realize it wasn't a cult after all. I was actually on a natural high from having so much physical strength all of a sudden. I'd always been the one who worked out and tried to impress, now I didn't even have to try anymore.

But, you know what, life has a way of biting you right in the butt just when you think everything is going great. It happened when Emily brought her two-year-old niece to La Push for a visit. I had known what imprinting was, I'd seen it happen first with Sam and Emily, then with Jared and Kim. The women they loved so much I could even feel the power of it when we transformed were the center of their lives, and I couldn't understand it.

Don't think I'm joking, when I mean the center of their lives I mean their point of **gravity** moved. Their imprints became their lives. They were drawn to them like the Earth was kept in spot by the sun. It was creepy. It was sickening. It was all sappy and lovey-dovey.

Surely something like that wouldn't, _couldn't_ happen to me. I'd never been the sensitive type. I didn't think I even knew how to be romantic, even if I wanted to be. I mean come on, I was only sixteen and had never had a steady girlfriend in my life. So when the elders had explained that imprinting could happen now that we were phasing regularly, but it was a rare and sporadic thing, I just assumed I would be one of the lucky guys that didn't have to worry about it.

So. Totally. Wrong.

I was in the kitchen eating with the rest of the pack, most of them anyway, the day it happened to me. Jared was off with Kim, as usual. Jake was off with Bella, probably working on motorcycles with the Vampire Girl in his garage. So, I was left with Embry and Paul in the small kitchen having to watch Sam get all googoo eyed at Emily for the millionth time.

It was something I had learned to overlook after so many weeks, otherwise I would've gagged on the over-sized muffin I was trying to eat.

Honestly, I didn't even realize what had happened to me at first. One minute I was sitting at the table eating, or rather inhaling my food at an inhuman rate, and then something was tugging me. I felt it as surely as I would feel a fishing lure attached to my stomach.

It wasn't painful, it was strange. I had the compelling urge...no. I had a demanding _need_ to go into the next room. I couldn't stop it, the draw was so precise and powerful I couldn't help myself. I stood up, dropped the muffin on the table, and went off in search of whatever had me acting so insane.

I followed the pull. I didn't hear the others asking we what I was doing. I didn't notice Emily's sister or brother-in-law giving me strange looks as I wondered aimlessly through the house in search of that _something._

I opened the door to Emily and Sam's bedroom and there on their bed was a very tired looking child. She had obviously just woken up. Her short, brown hair was a mess. She rubbed her eyes sleepily and I heard the faint coos she made as she kept yawning and stretching herself. She was so little.

I knew the kid was around here somewhere, I'd already been told she was taking a nap in the next room. Of course I didn't bother to go look at her, what business was it of mine where Emily's baby niece slept at? No, my first thought was to get to the food as fast as I could.

I mean seriously, I didn't even like kids very much - especially not the really young ones. I never knew what exactly to do with them. Just hand them off to the parents or a responsible looking adult, that was my motto.

She rolled herself over and slid off the bed, landing on the floor. She was still rubbing her face all over and wobbling toward me, since I was the one blocking the door. I could tell everyone was behind me, I sensed it. But I couldn't turn around even when I heard my name being called.

She walked right up to me and used my leg for support to help herself stay standing. She finally looked up at me and I was already looking down at her. The moment our eyes met it was the end of me, or at least the end of the old me. It was crazy, I didn't even have a chance to stop it or care that it was happening. Nope, all I felt was that suddenly nothing else mattered. Not mom, the pack, the tribe, not even me. Everything else slipped easily to the backseat and here she was, this little thing no bigger than half of my arm was in control.

She glowed to me. Literally, I'm not being poetic or figurative. She _glowed_, and everyone else paled in comparison. She was the sun, my sun. She was all that mattered. She would be the only reason I protected the rez anymore, the only reason I fought vampires. She would be my reason to stay alive, to come back home. It was the end of me.

It was also my beginning.

She lifted her arms for me to hold her and my body automatically reacted. I didn't make the conscious choice to pick her up, I just did it. It was the first time in my life I had ever held a child of any size. I turned around to face the others with the little girl hugging my neck tightly, smiling up at me. It made me grin like the cheshire cat. Emily thought it was sweet of me to help her up but Sam, oh boy Sam, he knew what had happened before I did. The way I looked at her now, like she was everything good in the world, he knew that look. He knew what had happened. He understood, but Emily didn't. The girl's parents didn't. Even the rest of the pack didn't, at least not at first.

Well heck, I didn't even understand it. I felt…well, wonderful at first. It was a euphoric high that I hadn't come down from yet. I kept holding her, even when Emily tried to take her away from me. Paul laughed and Embry just shook his head apologetically, I didn't understand at first why that was. I just didn't get what was so funny or troublesome that they would react like that…but it didn't take long.

Sam took my sunshine away from me and handed her to Emily, then dragged my butt outside. He demanded to know what I felt, what was happening, how my body was reacting. I thought he had gone crazy but I couldn't even focus on him enough to tell him so. I kept trying to look around him to see the little girl again, but she was away from the windows so I frowned pathetically at her absence. That's when Sam punched me square in the face and sent me sprawling into the forest, wiping out a few trees along the way.

"Phase!" He yelled once he caught up to me and his voice was dripping with the Alpha tone. I burst out of my skin the next minute and so did he, then he could see and feel everything that had just happened.

I was cussing him out for the punch but he just sighed and sat on his haunches, relieved. He had actually been worried that I was physically _attracted_ to the _baby_! I felt myself get nauseous and Sam barked out a laugh at my expence. We phased back into humans and he put his arm on my shoulders as some strange kind of comforting tactic while we walked back toward the house. I didn't understand what had happened but once Sam explained it, and of course it clicked right away, I was brought to my knees in overwhelming shock. Sam put a hand on my shoulder reassuringly as I braced myself against the side of Emily's house, asking him why this had happened? I wouldn't have minded so much if it had been a woman this happened with. But, come on, a two year old? Give me a break!

Still, I wasn't angry about it. Confused, confounded, and more than a little unsure, but not angry. No, I couldn't be resentful. This feeling of bliss surrounded me so thoroughly that I still felt like I was walking on clouds. I heard her whimper from inside and before it could even register in my brain that I was moving I was already inside and kneeling beside her.

"Dow...dow." She said, crying out again as she pointed across the room.

"Doll?" I asked and she nodded. I walked across the room and grabbed one but she yelled a very loud "No!".

I dropped it immediately, then picked up another one. She nodded that time with a huge grin on her face. I felt my own mouth mirror hers and brought her the doll.

"Here you go princess." I said, then realized that I didn't know the name of the most important person in the world. "I'm Quil, what's your name?"

She looked up at me and grabbed the doll out of my hands and hugged it to her.

"Qwuiw." She tried, it was so cute and I never liked the way my name sounded more than when she said it. I laughed and nodded my head.

"That's right. What's your name?" I asked again. Odd, I'd never been the patient or sweet type before but I would have been content to squat next to her all day.

In fact, it made me happy to consider spending all day with her doing whatever she wanted. That was so beyond weird I couldn't even think about it at the time.

"Cwlaiw." She said, but I couldn't quite understand it.

"Claire." Emily corrected.

"Claire." I repeated, the name was as beautiful as she was. She handed me a doll and I knew, without knowing how I knew, that she wanted me to dress it up.

Don't ask me how because I don't get it either. Things like that happened all the time with her after that and I didn't once get tired of it. I didn't get annoyed or bored. As long as she was happy, I was happy.

Suddenly, I wasn't the tough guy anymore, and Paul was the first and only person to ever point that out. I remember that first meeting with the pack after imprinting on Claire, no one but Sam understood how I could do that with one so young. But they could feel my feelings once we phased and they all knew it was nothing perverted. It was just love, like a paternal/big brother kind of love.

I knew how it was going to work and then they did too, even after Sam had explained it to them it wasn't clear until we were all phased. We were one mind when we were wolves, they knew everything about me and I knew it all about them. There were no secrets, no lies, no hiding. But Paul, being the gigantic jackass that he was, had to make a comment at my expense.

I would have beat him up just for the fun of it, to be honest, he was _that _infuriating most of the time. But he took it a step too far when he mentioned Claire.

"So Quil," He started, once our rounds were done and we were changing back into our clothes. "Guess you'll be spending all your free time down at the playground now."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Hm, guess so."

Paul chuckled and gaffed at me. "Yeah, changing dirty diapers, reading Mother Goose…sure sounds like a great Friday night to me."

I growled and clinched my fist at him. "Back off Paul." I warned.

Jake was next to me in a minute, putting his hand on my shoulder. "Forget him, he's just jealous that he hasn't imprinted yet."

Paul scoffed at that. "Yeah, sure, I'm _so _jealous of Quil. I just can't wait to imprint and get myself sucked into the world of little pink too-toos and Barbie dolls."

"I mean it, mouth shut!" I yelled, and I wasn't necessarily known for losing my cool but I was very nearly about to tackle him to the ground. That's exactly what I mean about being protective, it just comes over me sometimes without warning. My hands were shaking and my body trembled with the anger; I knew it would cause me to phase if I didn't calm down.

"That's enough Paul." Embry said, coming up on my left. "You know he can't help it. None of us have a choice."

Paul shrugged. "Maybe I'll go to Claire's daycare and pick up a toddler myself, then me and Quil can double date." He let out a round of sarcastic laughter. "I'll even bring the apple juice and baby wipes."

The next thing I remember was sending Paul flying through three trees and about twenty feet of undergrowth. And here I thought Paul would always be the one with the violent reputation. To my surprise though, Sam walked up and scowled at Paul when he tried to retaliate, stepping between the two of us.

"We do not harm the object of our imprinting." He said gravely down to Paul. "Even if it is verbal harm, Quil cannot allow it and neither can I. One day, if you are lucky, you will understand."

The pack was behind me every step of the way after that, even Paul. The tribal elders were even on my side, explaining that this was not in any way to be taken as a scandalous or shameful turn of events. Lucky for us that the legends of our people run so deep, without the help of our culture I doubt that Claire's parents would have been half so understanding about why I had to be around all the time.

They were given some kind of incentive to move from Makah down to La Push. My grandfather, Old Quil, made the offer and I never asked about the details, I was just grateful it happened. I couldn't imagine running up to Makah every day to see her.

I would have, without a doubt. It just wouldn't have been fun. Her parents were not allowed to know all the secrets of the pack. They were simply given a brief explanation that it was tribal business and Claire was now a member of the Quileutes by default.

Still, when I wasn't with Claire I thought about her. The thoughts were general ones: Is she okay? What is she doing? Has she been played with? Is she happy?

Basically, I was whipped. By a two year old. Pathetic, really.

When I was with Claire I had to do what she wanted, I had to make her happy. It was out of my control, if she wanted to play hide and seek all day that's what we did. If she wanted to play peek-a-boo for three straight hours that's what we did. Even if it was dressing up dolls or throwing toys around her room until the floor couldn't be seen, only to have me pick it all up and do it again, that's what we did. I knew when she was hungry, upset, cold, tired, or happy. I especially liked her being happy, it made me happy too.

I could feel her presence too. That sounds dorky, but it's true. It wasn't so bad when we were miles apart, it was only faint then. If I was within a few hundred feet the pull was unbearable. I needed to be near her, the tug was profound and I was constantly readjusting to how close we were. If she got up and decided to run outside I was never less than five feet behind her. I preferred to carry her, physical contact was the best relief. Even if all I did was hold her hand or let my arm rest against hers.

Not that my early imprinting didn't get me into very stupid jams sometimes, like at her third birthday party. She made me wear a crown. I little, silver princess crown with fake rhinestones on it. Complete with pink streamers on the sides. Then a wand. A glitter wand with a star on top. While it was happening I had no control over it, it was what she wanted. It was harmless and it made her happy, so I did it. She wanted to put makeup on me, Emily put that little idea in her head, and then I found myself sitting cross-legged on the floor of her house with a herd of munchkins surrounding me with lipstick, blush, and eye shadow.

Her parents laughed, Emily took pictures, and I couldn't even be embarrassed about it until later. I didn't resent Claire for it, no way. She was my imprint, I couldn't even get mad at her. I got mad for a minute at the situation. I'm a six foot five inch shape-shifter, muscles cover every inch of me, I can phase into a five foot tall wolf that's bigger and stronger than a bear…but I have no control over a three year old. It's actually comical.

I never got tired to doing things with her though, it was like anything that caught her attention caught mine too. It was different with parents than it was with my imprint, if she felt wonder and amazement I felt it too. I had seen the beach of La Push so many times it wasn't even a surprise to me anymore. But when I took Claire to see the ocean, and her eyes were wide with wonder, I felt the same awe she did. It was new to me all over again because it was new to her.

It was a phenomenon. It was like being reborn and becoming something completely new. It wasn't for several months that I realized just how different my imprinting experience was from the others. I couldn't even begin to come close to regretting Claire, that's not what I mean. But I would see Emily, Kim, and now Rachel. All women, all imprints of my fellow wolves, all old enough to actually reciprocate the attraction.

I felt no attraction to Claire, not in the since of a man to a woman. The only feeling I had was love and the only part I played was the most protective 'big brother' in the world. When we would all phase and go run our rounds as the wolves I could feel my 'brothers' love and lust mix toward their imprints, I could see them all in tight embraces or passionate kisses, or even more.

I felt left out for the briefest of moments, but then Claire's face would appear and I would be whole again, loving her in the purest way imaginable. I never thought something like this would happen to me. But, I would have to be patient. Unbelievably patient as she grew up.

I would be everything she ever needed from me: brother, protector, friend, lover…and that was only if she wanted it. If she fell in love with someone else I would have to settle for being her guardian. Because, even if the feelings weren't returned, she would still be my imprint. I would still think of her above all others, still need her to be safe and happy. Even if it meant she was happy without me.

My only solace in the situation of my imprinting was Embry and Jake. Embry still had not imprinted and wondered if there was something wrong with him. He waited patiently for when his time would come and his soul mate would appear, until then he stayed a very good friend to me. He found my imprinting situation to be…interesting. Everyone did, though no one said anything about it anymore.

Then there was Jake. After the mess with Bella marrying a bloodsucker and having a half sucker kid, there was nothing much our tribe could do. Jake imprinted on Bella's newborn, making her off limits for killing. Nope, it was a strict law that no one ever hurt the object of imprinting. Killing our imprint would have killed us too, not necessarily in the physical sense but, basically, we would crawl off into a little corner of the woods, bury our heads between our tails, and stop trying to live.

Eventually, we'd die. Our pack would have to feel the heartbreak too, maybe a few young ones would even die along with us. Who knew. It had never happened before, not with a pack our size with brothers, and a sister, so closely knit together. Oh yeah, Leah was a wolf now too. A girl werewolf, now that's funny. But, I can't complain, she's tough and _fast_. Holds her own really well in a fight.

The halfbreed's named Renesmee, but Jake calls her Nessie. I joined Jake's pack not long after the incident with the Vampires, I felt like I suddenly had so much in common with Jake that I couldn't help myself. I finally had someone who knew what it was like to be attached to a kid, and his imprint was even smaller and younger than mine! It was great to have someone understand me.

But, and I think I've already said this, life has a way of biting you in the butt right with things are looking up. I mean literally bite you, kind of like a Vampire would. Nessie was aging so fast it was incredible, and the war with the Volturi Coven shed some light on ones of her kind, half breeds I mean. She would be a fully mature adult in seven years. _Seven years_!

If he was excited about this turn of events Jake sure didn't show it, and he didn't think of it in terms of when he'd be able to date her. I didn't think of Claire in terms of when I'd be able to date her, just in terms of time. Thirteen years until she was my age now, and maybe then I could tell her about being my imprint. Then I'd be thirty! I would be twice her age, but not physically. No, shape-shifters stop aging while we phase and Vampires are nearby. At least that helped with the inappropriate age gap, a little.

Even Jake wouldn't have to endure as long as I would. No one could understand what I was going through, having to wait for so long just to be told a yes or no by their imprint. In the stories of the third wife at least the tribal leader had been married a few times before finding her. In all the stories of our history I had never heard of someone imprinting on one so young before they'd had a chance to already start a life.

For example, if I had already been married when I imprinted on Claire I could have continued to live a normal life until she was of age. That might have been harder though, I'd have a family already made and then have to deal with the problem of hurting them. No, maybe that wasn't the way to go. Sam really hurt Leah when he imprinted on Emily, I wouldn't want to cause anyone the kind of pain I've felt from Leah time and again.

So, I wait. Jake waits to, for now. We can relate to each other that way, but Nessie is big enough to read, run, even go hunting with Jake. Claire though, she's just turned four. I wouldn't miss a day of her growing up, I wouldn't change her for the world. I wouldn't trade her. But, jeez, I wish I had a plan. Something better than just to wait.

Patience is a virtue, right? Well, let's see how the werewolf handles it.


	2. Categories

Categories

Hm. So, I guess it would be best to say that I clump my life into groups that make sense to me, even if they don't to anyone else. It makes my crazy timeline more manageable. Well, there are actually two tabs and then a lot of categories.

It's confusing, I know. I understand it, but maybe I'm the only one who does. Think of my life as a flipchart, tab one is just plain **Before Claire**. Here are the two groups that come under that tab:

First are the Pre-Wolf years, this is basically every single day that I lived prior to the change. Nothing much to tell. Just an average childhood, then melodramatic teenager stuff, and throw in a whole lot of school. In other words it was freaking _boring_.

Next are my Werewolf Newby months, these are probably the most entertaining times to talk about because they were adventurous, funny, embarrassing, and all-in-all quite entertaining. I could tell lots of stories of these times: ending up naked in the woods (or on side of the road, wherever I happened to be at the time) because I'd phased accidentally and didn't have a change of clothes. Yeah, that was always loads of fun. Don't think for one minute that thorns tickle even a werewolf. We may heal quick and run a temp of 108 but we're just as sensitive as any other human.

So learning to control the transformations was tricky and, more often than not, a very painful learning experience. I can't begin to explain how many times I lost my temper at the most stupid stuff imaginable, only to shake like a rattle snake and high-tail it someone I could literally burst. When I say burst I meant like ka-freaking-boom. Whatever I was wearing was pulverized and anything that was in my way at the time.

Needless to say I didn't spend much time around people during those months. Not even family. No, the wolf pack were the only guys that understood me. They'd done it all too, they talked me through it and showed me all the techniques for keeping my temper in check. Seriously, I'd never had a temper before. I'd been mellow, easy going, didn't let things get to me. Well expect for my name, that's a touchy subject.

Crap, I'm rambling. Anyway, on to the second tab I affectionately call **After Claire**. Yeah, clump all the other stuff into the Before Claire section and then the rest of my life belonged to her. That sounds just about corny, doesn't it? But, like it or not, everything changed after that. My reasons for doing _anything _changed. It was like my life was under lock and key, only she had the key that could break the locks.

Wait a minute, that doesn't fit. I make it sound like I'm chained to her or something, like I'm in shackles. That's not what I meant. Let me try again. She's my light, my reason, my life. Everything I ever did changed from being for me or for the tribe to being for her. When I spent money it was on her, aside from what I needed to live on. When I made my rounds at night it was to make sure she was being kept safe from anything that might get close to Quillette land.

When the Volturi came and we all knew the fight would be a big one, I had already made plans for Claire. I warned her parents to take her to Ocean Shores on North Bay for the weekend, specifically telling them _do not_ come back until the elders sent word.

I knew they had family there and the elders agreed to tell them if anything happened to me during battle. I needed her safe so I could concentrate. Otherwise I would have been too distracted to really fight my best. The other wolves dealt with their imprintees in similar ways.

Kim, Emily and Rachel all stayed with Emily's family on the Makah reservation. It was understood that they stay put until word was sent of either our victory or our deaths. Either way, fighting against the vampires had ended up being as much a protection of Claire as it was the whole tribe. That's just how it was, she became my whole life.

And to think back on how Sam accidentally hurt Emily, how he would have flung himself under a bus to make her feel better…I totally get that now. I didn't before imprinting, now I do. First off it physically made me sick to think of accidentally hurting Claire.

No way. Can't do it. It's like my brain will not process the thought. But, if by some wild stretch of the imagination I ever did do anything that hurt her…well I'd be willing to offer that same thing. Whatever made her feel better. Nothing would make it right, but she'd get anything she wanted.

Not that she doesn't already. Jeez, if I'm not careful I might spoil her rotten.

Back to the categories, there are several now. When I said that Claire became my life I wasn't joking. All the categories under the **After Claire** tab are literally all about her and _nothing _but her. The categories are:

The Early Years, these are the years I think of until she's eight. Her parents divorced when she was eight and she cried a lot on my shoulder, wouldn't let me put her down for hours. She was never really the same after that, she'd had a taste of loss that made her more mature and grow up just a little. So I didn't think of her as a _little _kid anymore.

Then there are the Middle Years, and these were my favorite times in some ways because she and I were best buddies. She was young enough to be out of the infant-style of playing and old enough for more fun games. No more hide-and-seek, pin the tail on Quil, dress Quil up for a tea party…yes, thank all the powers that be for that one. Not that I didn't enjoy making her happy at the time, but once I left and got home the humiliation those games would give my pride a severe beating sometimes.

The worse part of these years was the separation. Her mother had custody of her but her father took her every other weekend, holidays, and all summer long. It almost _killed_ me every time she left. I longed to run after her the moment the car would pull away. Her father hated me, with a vengeance. She favored me above everyone else and he despised me for it.

Which was fine, he wasn't on the top of my friend's list either. But he was my Claire-bear's father, so I couldn't hate him. He was the reason she was here, so I owed him my gratitude.

I would phase every chance I got and run to Carlsburg to see her. She wouldn't know I was there, I'd do my best to stay out of sight even in a suburbs. I would phase, then walk around like a man on the sidewalks, then phase in the park after dark. It was just a hop-skip-and-jump to her father's yard from there. There was a nice, big tree the conveniently hid me while I looked into her bedroom window. I could watch her sleep from there and feel relieved.

I was estatic beyond words when she turned fourteen and chose to stay in La Push instead of visiting her father. From what I understood her new stepmother was a pain in the rear. That summer I got permission from Sam to tell her the secrets of the pack. All but imprinting, that one was saved for her sixteenth birthday.

But, oddly, the closer the time came that I could tell her about imprinting the less I wanted to. She was so smart, so sophisticated, so talented. She was going places, she was going to do something big with her life. I didn't know what yet but I could tell already by her grades. Why should I tell her about imprinting when it would hold her down? It would keep her in La Push, even if it was just to gratify me.

And that's what decided it for me. I would leave the decision up to her. If she ever chose me without knowing about imprinting, I would tell her. If she pursued other dreams, another life outside of La Push I wouldn't stop her. I refused to be the chain link around her ankles tying her down and holding her back. It would hurt more than anything ever could, but she was worth it.

Even worse, something completely unexpected happened to me as result of my unusual imprinting. I remember phasing for my weekly rounds, Claire was about four years old at the time and she had fallen asleep on my chest. I had time for a three hour snooze and then off I had to go to patrol the west corner of the rez.

My alarm woke me. Or in other words Paul called to yell at me that it was time to get my lazy butt up. Of course, his words weren't nearly that nice…or censored. Mine didn't use to be either, I could drop the F-bomb five times in a sentence and not be bothered by it. I cleaned up my act for Claire. I never even thought of words worse than heck or darn after meeting her.

I got up and checked on Claire. She'd woke up and moved off me while I was sleeping. She was playing with her big plastic kitchen set I had bought her for her birthday. Then she clung to my kneecaps and begged me not to go. Strange how she knew I was leaving even though I hadn't said so yet.

"Aw, Claire-bear I'm sorry. I have to go." I apologized, it broke my heart every time I left when she was asking me to stay. "I promise I'll be back first thing in the morning."

She huffed and pouted her bottom lip in true four-year-old style. "Tomowwow's too faw away."

I smiled down at her, by then I had figured out all her kid-talk. "Yeah, I know. I wouldn't leave if I didn't have to, though. You know that don't you?"

She bit her lip and hugged her arms tighter around my knees. "Yeah. I know."

Finally she let go of me and put her arms down. It was a relief when her mom yelled her name to go eat dinner, then I was able to escape without being sent on a guilt trip again. Worst of all she didn't even know she made me feel guilty, she had no idea how bad I felt every time I left her.

Well, once I phased in the woods and took off toward my section I could see and hear what was going on with most of the others. It was me, Paul, Seth, and Brady tonight. We all took a night every week, sometimes more. There were enough of us now that it was not a hard job to fill. At that point a few of the younger wolves had found their own imprints, but not Embry.

I felt bad for the guy. I could tell he was feeling left out and lonely. If imprinting was suppose to be such a rare thing why was it happening to so many of us? There had never been so many of us phasing before, that's true. Our generation was the largest pack in our tribe's history. Then again, there had also never been as much trouble out of vampires either. Who knew what was going on? The elders couldn't even explain it.

Still, Jake and I were the only wolves who had imprinted on anyone younger than fifteen. Even then the guy who imprinted on the fifteen year old was only sixteen himself! Dang it, and I would be thirty by the time Claire was finally sixteen. In our culture that's the age of adulthood, whether it's recognized by the white-man's law or not. So, the rule was I couldn't give her the choice of being with me until then.

But I had already made up my mind in that department. I wouldn't tell her of imprinting at all. She wouldn't fill obligated to be with me if she didn't know.

Back to my point, sorry for the rambling. I was phased and running off into the woods doing my job as protector. Just like all of us, we all knew when we were phased what the others were doing, thinking, and feeling. That's how we knew when and who another wolf imprinted on. It's a life changing experience that all the other wolves can't ignore.

It was a problem sometimes, with it being sundown and late at night. We all know what happens with couples during the night, there is no big mystery there. Heck, with some of them it was during the day too. It made it hard to concentrate when I was trying to block out all those happy pairs doing what comes naturally to people in love. It was right then, that night, while I focused very hard on _not _letting their activities get into my mind that I realized something very troublesome about myself.

I didn't had a sex drive.

Now, I know that sounds horrible and terrible and unbelievable but it's true! And I hadn't even noticed it, not until then. It actually made me stop dead in my tracks and think about it. I tried to remember just when I lost my interest in that department?

I knew I hadn't been attracted to any other girls in a while, at least the last two years. Not attracted didn't really cover it, I didn't even see other girls anymore. My Claire had a surreal glow while all the other females were dull and fuzzy around the edges. But I had been just like any normal teenage guy even after phasing. Those thoughts and feelings for anyone of the opposite sex had dwindled until poof…they were gone.

Was it more pathetic that I had lost interested, or that I hadn't noticed?

I shook my furry head and clawed at a tree in aggravation. I contemplated seeing a doctor about it for a minute, only to realize how much easier this actually made my life. I never had any out of place feelings for Claire. I knew she was meant to be my soul mate but, man, there wasn't an attraction there. Not at all. I couldn't bring myself to think of her in terms of when I could date her, or if I would date her at all.

Even when Jake had asked me about seeing other girls the thought hit me between the eyes. Like a punch to the face. I had no desire whatsoever to date anyone. Not even the slightest impulse.

Sure, Claire would understand later that I'd wanted to just live a normal life while I waited for her to grow up. But between spending every waking moment either with Claire or my pack I just didn't have the time. And when a twenty year old guy won't clear his schedule for dating, especially when his best friend is a four year old, there is something clearly not right about it.

She would have understood. But I didn't want to ever go through an explanation of why she wasn't important enough to wait for.

So that settled that and now I didn't even give second thoughts to pretty girls that walked by, winked at me, or slipped me there phone numbers. None of that mattered to me, because when I woke up every morning Claire was the first person I wanted to see. Every day I wasn't making my rounds I would stay from morning until dinner with Claire and do anything with her that popped into that brain of hers.

I never stayed for diner unless asked, it was expecting too much for her parents to feed me too. Plus, I didn't want to be a burden. I knew they're opinion of me and my attention to Claire was on a delicate balance of give and take. I did chores around the house, chopped wood, kept the cars working like a charm, mowed the lawn…basically anything that kept me in their good graces.

By the time Claire had her fifth birthday I was a fixed sight at her house. To my surprise her mother actually got used to having me around. So used to it that if I was ever late to come by or missed a day for whatever reason (which, trust me, were few and far between) she would let me know not to feel like a stranger. She would say how much Claire had begged to go see me, which would lift my spirits.

Her father ignored me, or glared at me. At least while he was around, he worked too much to be home often enough to irritate me very much.

Claire did miss me terribly if I wasn't around and the feeling was mutual. I found that I loved watching her grow up too. Being patient had not ended up being the pain in the neck I first thought it would be. Honestly, it didn't even feel like I was having to wait for something. This just became my life. I got to watch as she had all those new little experiences of life. And I felt lucky to get to be a part of it.

Seriously, I have got to stop the rambling. The next category was the awkward Teen Years. She had crushes and I hated every one of them. I was no longer her big brother, I became her confidant. And It hurt to watch her go through those awkward years of being out of childhood but not an adult yet. I remembered those years myself and they had not be the most fun. For a girl it was a little more dramatic but, I had to admit, Claire handled everything in stride.

Over the years Claire got so used to me and the other wolves that she became just as much of an outsider to the tribe as we were. Like all the imprints were. The elders knew about her being mine, her parents knew, and the other wolves knew. But it was not something that people talked about. No one was allowed to tell her but me.

It wasn't that people on the rez intentionally avoided us, the wolves I mean. It was that they didn't understand completely. It wasn't something that was polite conversation to bring up. They knew Jacob was in charge, the Elders treated us like prodigies, and we were there to help. In a way they avoided us but it was out of this weird kind of respect for us, and some fear.

We were strong. We were dangerous when angry. The Elders revered us as some kind of miracle generation. So it trickled off into the other members of the tribe as some kind of weird respect thing. But they were still afraid of us. We were different and that never really helped anyone fit in.

If Claire minded becoming one of the 'avoided' she never said so. By the time she was actually old enough to notice I think she was just so used to it that she never paid it any attention. She just hung out with Sam, me, and a lot of the other wolves. She had very few friends outside the pack and she never complained about it. We practically lived with Sam and Emily at times anyway, because for better or worse we all stuck together.

Especially the older of us. The first wolves that had changed were brothers to the core, even when we fought. We were the original pack and nothing could change that. But Leah would not visit often at Sam and Emily's. I imagine it was really awful for her to see Sam that way, I know it would be for me if I had to visit Claire and see her happily married to another man.

So yeah, we were all one big, hairy, transforming-into-wolves family. Our imprints got used to it too. They all learned to get along, which they mostly did anyway. Claire was the youngest ever around but she was used to that too. All the others were really helpful with her. If I got called off to do some wolf work whoever was around that could watch her until her parents came would do it for me. Everyone understood (or pretended to understand) why I had to be with her so much.

Eventually some of the wolves started getting married. It started with Sam and Emily, of course. They had been engaged the longest so that only made sense. Less than a year later was Kim and Jared, followed within six months by Paul and Rachel. Billy and Jake weren't as keen on that idea because they were so young. But, I guess, they wanted their privacy and to start their life together.

I could understand that. None of the others were old enough to even consider getting married. Embry had not imprinted and neither had Leah. All the other wolves were still young teens, still in school! Nope, no more weddings for a while. That's how it looked, anyway.

Claire had been the flower girl at Sam and Emily's wedding, she looked absolutely angelic. When I said she was my sunshine I wasn't joking. She shone and sparkled like no one else could, especially when she was happy.

To my surprise Bella came with Nessie to Paul and Rachel's wedding. I couldn't decide if it was from an invitation because she'd known the family so long, or if it was because Jake was the best man. He probably begged to have Nessie there and knowing Edward (but I actually didn't know the guy that well. Let's face it, he's still a vampire and we aren't trying to protect them anymore), he probably said no until Bella decided for both of them that she was going.

Ha, that sounded like Bella. She always was too fierce for her own good. At that wedding was the first time I had seen Nessie since the Volturi left. There was no reason for me to go visit any of them and Jake would tell me more than enough stories about the Cullens to feed my curiosity. He showed me all the pictures he ever got of Nessie, but then again I kept a dozen pictures of Claire in my wallet too.

That was one thing Jake and I could definitely relate on was our very young imprintees. Our little angels, or devils, depending on their mood. Strangely enough the girls hit it off right away and became close friends. Claire caught on to Nessie's quirks and overlooked them, perhaps it was an imprint thing. They were wolf girls, like it or not.

Nessie looked like she could have been eight or nine years old when I saw her at the wedding. That was a shock for me because I knew she was suppose to be three years younger than Claire. I had to keep reminding myself that she was a halfbreed. She would age very quickly. But I have to admit it was more than a little creepy to see in person.

I didn't dare say that to Jake, or Bella. Nessie was their whole lives, she was their sunshine like Claire was mine. And I wouldn't ever take someone bashing my Claire. So I kept my mouth shut about Nessie's weird aging thing. It didn't matter that much anyway. Once the wedding was over it would be a long time before I saw them again.

I remembered at Paul and Rachel's wedding Claire had crawled into my lap to see better. I let her stand on my knee to watch as Paul and Rachel exchanged vows. She was smiling, looking all angelic and perfect again. Her little pink dress crumpled from her rough playing and hair falling from the bun it was fixed in.

"Qwil, Qwil," She whispered loudly, I had to lean up and shush her softly for her to be more quite.

"What Claire-bear?" I asked.

She leaned back and, as only a five-year-old can do, crossed her arms defiantly across her chest. She looked as frustrated as any adult.

"How come they all got married?" She asked. "Everyone did!"

I had to shush her again and put a finger over my lips to show her to be quiet. "It's rude to talk during the ceremony."

She gave a loud "hmph" and waited impatiently, fidgeting in her chair until the two up front kissed and everyone cheered them on.

"Okay, now tell me." She said.

"Tell you what?" I asked, not completely sure what it was she wanted an answer to.

"How come they all got married?" She asked.

I shrugged at her. "Because they love each other Claire, it's what people do when they want to live together and have a family. Like your mom and dad."

She frowned and looked thoughtful for a minute. "Okay. And you love me, right Qwil?"

I smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "Of course I do, I tell you every day."

She nodded and laughed at me. "So then we can get married too!"

I think I choked on my own air. I even think I blushed, now that's embarrassing.

"Uh, hm, well that would funny huh." He answered, trying to hide my nervous laughter.

"No, now. I wanna get married now!" She said, raising her voice far too loudly. I didn't want anyone overhearing and getting, I don't know, the wrong impression or something. I could just see how _that _conversation with her parents would go down.

"No, no. It doesn't happen like that. You have to be a grownup, and you have to date someone first. You don't just get married. Understand?" I looked down at her and watched as her face scrunched in disappointment.

"Stupid grownup stuff." She mumbled, but the minute I brought her attention to the cake and ice cream that was about to be served she perked up and, thankfully, lost her interest in marriage.

I rubbed my forehead once she was up and running to the nearest table for dessert. I suddenly had a headache, right between my eyes. A minute later I felt a strong hand grip my shoulder.

It was Sam, and he looked down at me without smiling or even a hint of amusement.

"It will be alright." He said, in that tone he normally used on us when he was giving an order. "It will get easier, and then much harder. But you'll make it."

I nodded and tried to give him a smile, but I don't think it came out quite right. "Yeah, I know. It's just…weird."

Sam nodded and let go of me, walking off to find Emily. Then I had the urge to find Claire and make sure she wasn't going to make herself sick off all the sugar. That was what I did now, I was big brother to her.

That's fine, I really didn't mind. It was just hard for her to mention marriage and snap me out of my big brother mode for a few seconds. It was even harder to think of all the years I still had to wait to even get an answer from her. That's why I tried not to think of it. Ever.

Patients, Quil. Just be patient.

I found Claire, she was inhaling her second slice of wedding cake. I smiled at her, she and I were more alike than I realized. I sat next to her and started on a plate of food myself, making faces down at her to get her to laugh between her large bites of white fluff.

I really was going to enjoy watching her…

Wait. Scratch that. I already _did_ enjoy watching her grow up. Every day was a new adventure.


End file.
